23/08/2012

MEET THE 3 PEOPLE I LIVE WITH

My husband

He can be sweet, caring, has a witty sense of humour, he’s playful, cheeky and generous. He’s very easy going and you can talk to him about anything.
He can also be very opinionated and can come across as very arrogant. He always thinks he’s right (well, he’s male!).

He’s a very strong person. He’s experienced a lot, has been through a lot … and has managed to come through the other side mostly in one piece.

But all in all he’s one of the loveliest people you will ever meet.

On the rare good days he is still this person. But since his health problems began those good days are becoming few and far between.

Rob

This angry, arrogant dick is the complete opposite of my husband. He’s very aggressive and always wanting a fight. Never listens to reason and is very good at seeing your weak points and turning them against you. He’s the most spiteful person you will meet. He can be violent, like hitting walls, bashing furniture and throwing things (like cups and glasses at walls, etc). I should make it clear though that he never has and never would hit a woman.

I’ve only know him for 16 years, but my husband has been living with Rob since he was about 18 (about 22 years). He first came to live with my husband about 6 months after his first motorbike accident, which included a head trauma.

He hasn’t always been called Rob. When my husband was younger, Rob would normally come out to play after several drinks. Back then my husband would just refer to him as The Rottweiler. He would fight anyone that annoyed him, wouldn’t back down from anyone no matter the size, or number(!) and he would get my husband in to a LOT of trouble.

But the last time I saw Rob properly was at the beginning of the year. He hasn’t been around much since my husband’s health has declined. In some ways this worries me because it could mean my husband is losing his fight and drive …. and hope.

Rose

In my last blog I spoke about my husband becoming like a child. When my husband becomes like this we call this person Rose. My husband used to get junk mail addressed to Rose, so when this started happening to him we both agreed to nick the name. My husband gets very upset and embarrassed after Rose comes out to play and when he’s himself again he always says “I’m acting like a bloody little girl” – hence Rose!
She’s a very frightened child, gets scared and cries and even talks quietly and in struggling sentences … just the way children do when they’re scared and upset. So I will talk to her just like you would to a child and give her hugs and make sure she knows I won’t let anyone hurt her.

Once I’ve got Rose calm, I then try and bring my husband back to the surface. This is easier said than done, but I eventually mange to get him back … though he will usually be beaten down version of himself.
While I don’t really mean he has split personalities, to me it’s as if I am dealing with 3 different people. When these changes happen the expressions on my husband’s face look different, the look in his eyes (which have always been very expressive) are very different … and even the way he talks and his tone of voice are completely different.

It may seem strange to some people, but given these extreme changes in my husband’s behaviour, using these names just helps both of us to cope with it all a little bit better.

Some useful links:

http://www.fibromyalgia-associationuk.org/
http://www.facebook.com/groups/UKFibromyalgia/
http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_and_conditions/panic_attacks
http://www.arthritiscare.org.uk/Home
http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_and_conditions/mental_illness
http://www.meassociation.org.uk/

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