I love my husband very much and hate what is happening to him and how it is changing him as a person. I do worry that the person I fell for will disappear and I’m left with a person I don’t know.
For my husband these days there is never a good day. Instead there are a bit better days and extremely bad days - like the one I wrote about in my last blog entry! I just wish none of this was happening to him and we had a normal life.
Because of my husband’s illness we can’t really plan anything, we have to take each day as it comes. Like last Thursday, hubby said he was o.k. leaving the house, but he obviously was having an extremely bad day. Well morrisons wouldn’t have called an ambulance if he was "o.k".
So our lives have changed a lot since he got ill. I know it’s not his fault, but sometimes I just wish we could get back to the life we had a few years back, before any of this happened. Not only is it changing how we live it is changing who I am as well. In some respect it’s making me a stronger person and I’m finding out things about myself which I never knew before. Mine and my husbands relationship has changed as well, we’ve always been very close and we’re now even closer.
But there are some days I wish I had never met my husband and I wonder how different my life would be. It’s very frustrating and confusing feeling this way because I love my husband so much, he’s my best friend and I have grown so much as a person just by being with him. There are also some days when I just want to leave; because of the stress and the fact that I feel like the person I love is disappearing.
When I feel like this I remember that my husband can’t escape from what he’s going through and that he needs me. As hard as it is I need to be strong for him and not let his illness beat him.
Some useful links :-